Look at me now!

I overheard my boss today saying that she wasn't encouraged by the upcoming first round of interviews to find my replacement because "We haven't gotten a resume for Wonder Woman yet." Yay for me!

P.S. Does anybody know where I parked my invisible jet? I can't seem to find it...

Hi-freaking-larious

I had to share this website with you all because, when I stumbled across it last week, I darn near wet my pants looking at it. It's called the Museum of Kitschy Stitches and it features of vintage outfits, etc, that you can knit for yourself. Unfortunately, I don't think they publish the instructions, just the hilariously funny photos from the books, such as this one. And no, it isn't a head-shot for a failed tryout from Nacho Libre.

My excuses...(and a Merry Christmas, too)

It has been a few days since I last wrote and I have a very good reason.

Wedendsday 12/20: trip to the hospital for a routine fluoroscopy. Routine or not, it still kind of sucked and ate up most of the day. I missed the office Christmas pot-luck too. Bah...

Thursday 12/21: Oral surgery. Thanks to the fantastic sedatives prescribed by the surgeon, I don’t remember any of this entire day except determining with Owen that Sam should see the doctor again because of some troubling, possible ear infection behavior. I was to learn that I was, indeed, correct and that Sam currently has bilateral ear infections. This brings the total ear infections since September to 6 (and don’t forget the Strep, Bronchitis and Pink Eye) and we now have to take Sam to see an ENT. Word on the street is that he may be a candidate for ear tubes. While I hate this for him, I would rather that than the constant ear infections we now struggle with.

Friday 12/22: To the U.P. for Christmas. There is no internet at the cabin and we were extremely busy hanging curling ribbon and Christmas bulbs from my mom’s eggbeater collection which hangs from the rafters. Also had to decorate all the antlers with garland.

Saturday 12/23: Christmas #1 with my family. Much hustle and bustle beginning way to early and going way too late. Thanks to everybody for all the fantastic gifts! They included a set of stainless silverware (they all match now!) and a new Kone (I think that’s how you spell it) that allows me to say to Sam: “No, sweetie, you can’t go into the kitchen until I Kone up the cereal you daddy spilled this morning.” Face it, you’re jealous. I asked for a dust buster because I thought I would be more likely to vacuum if I didn’t have to haul out the big one every time. I also got all the good period dramas so, if you feel like a little Jane Austin love-fest, come to my house!

Sunday 12/24: Christmas #2 with Owen’s family. Again, more thanks for more fantastic loot! Included: a family-sized George Foreman Grill and a VCR/DVD burner. This is too cool as we have been using a pencil-box sized DVD player I got free from Quill and have been afraid would die any minute. Also, now I can watch DVDs in bed, which I have not been able to do for almost 3 years. It’s the best when you’re sick, which I seem to be all the time.

Monday 12/25: Christmas morning brings with it a pile of goodies from Santa to Sam. Sam was actually very excited and played with all his new toys as long as could be expected when he hadn’t napped in 3 days. Had Cajun food for lunch and then Chinese for dinner. Now that’s something! All in all it was a low key day that we were all very ready for.

Tuesday (today): Went to the doctor to have strange rash examined that had appeared on Saturday. After looking for lesions in my mouth to make sure I don’t have Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease (OMG – disgusting!), he determined that it is an Amoxicillin allergic rash and I now have one more thing to add to my list of drug allergies, almost all of which were discovered this year. The list also includes: morphine, codeine and whatever the hell they put in my drip after my surgery that kept my blood pressure so low that I passed out when I got out of bed. I am thinking I better find out the name of that one.

Comments?

After posting this comment to Owen's blog this evening, I decided to post it here as well because, actually, I had been thinking about writing this entry all day. However, our accounting software decided to go bat-shit and I didn't have time. I was an hour late leaving work and then, I forgot about it until I read Owen's blog.

As I pointed out to Owen at [his company] party, the perfect example of the difference between his party and mine were that, while his party featured a large ice sculpture of the company logo that undoubtedly cost several hundred dollars, at our party, we didn't even have ICE...no kidding. We drank semi-warm pop.

Also, they were very proud that the company of 60+ employyes had sponsored two, count them TWO local foster children for Christmas. I was nonplussed. We've had retired copules sponsor entire families with 3 or 4 children at our office, buying them not only necessities like socks, underwear and food, but luxuries, like toys, books, games and a new 30" TV.

It just goes to show you that, while there are indeed instances of ostentatious and grossly self-indulgent overspending, there are also people who are so generous it will make you cry at how beautiful human kindness can be.

tidbits

Scariest recent nightmare: being attacked by Hannibal Lechter and, in self defense, beating him with a rickety aluminum rolling pin. (Recently, I have been taking Ambien for insomnia. That stuff causes some WIERD dreams.) Tied for second place: the accountant at my office marrying Sam's godfather in a swimming pool and then flying off in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for a honeymoon.

Best movie I've seen recently: The Holiday. If you have ovaries. GO SEE IT. Though I had never been much of a fan, Jude Law is beautiful and Jack Black is surprisingly not irritating. Eli Wallach makes a surprising and charming subplot and Kate Winslet is her usual fantastic self. On the downside, Cameron Diaz displays the acting ability of an awkward high school cheerleader. Her performance not withstanding, the movie was great and I loved it. Will definitely have to add it to my collection.

Movie quote of the day: "You have to be the leading lady in your own life..." Kate Winslet as Iris in The Holiday

Worst doctor experience in recent history: Yesterday. It resulted in no fewer than 7 needle punctures in my abdomen, a fainting spell and an appointment to go to the radiology department of the hospital later this week. Ugh. Though considerably discouraged at the moment, I am actually in good health.

Best Christmas pastime: Wrapping presents. I love it. So if you want help with yours, just give me a call and I would be happy to come help. The downside is no ribbon this year. All gifts must be transported to the U.P. and ribbons/bows will get squished. So, there will be no ribbons or bows as they are also superfluous and there will not be much time to add them once we have arrived in God's Country and I am not much for the adhesive bows. Come to think of it, I think I will throw in some curling ribbon anyway. I just can't let go...

Childhood illness(es) of the week: Pinkeye and bronchitis. That's right...both of them. That brings Sam's tally for the last 4 months to: 3 ear infections, strep throat, bronchitis and pinkeye. My tally is up to: Acute sinusitis (resulting in a doctor's note to stay home from work for 2 days), an upper respiratory infection, 2 ear infections and noteworthy complications following a semi-major surgery that resulted in an extra day at the hospital. I'm not sure who's winning. It's one of those "even when you win you lose" scenarios.

Bright spot: Sam sat on Santa's lap on Sunday. He fell asleep as we waited in line and woke up in Santa's lap, staring at him. As I expected, he was not at all afraid. Merely gave him the once-over and then went back to sleep. I didn't expect he would have that trauma other kids have because he is so outgoing and isn't afraid of anybody. Plus, Grampy looks a lot like Santa and he loves Grampy. My only surprise is that he didn't pull on Santa's beard.

Massacre at Bethlehem

A Godzilla-baby has decimated the manger scene in the peaceful town of Bethlehem. However, if you look closely you can see that the Baby Jesus has survived the attack and is being lovingly tended by a sheep as the camel and donkey look on protectively.

Massacres occurring daily throughout the Christmas season. Tickets will be sold at the door on a first come, first serve basis.

An incredibly sad truth...

We received a call at my office today from a woman who was looking for some help. Her story broke my heart, and has put a lump in my throat that I cannot easily swallow away.

She is living in a motel room with her three children, girls, ages 1, 2 and 3. During the day, they go with her to the daycare where she works. She also works at a restaurant in the evenings. I have no idea who keeps the children then. She called us because the children have no coats, and it is 13 degrees out today. She has run out of diapers. For dinner, her children eat cold ravioli from a can and, sometimes, the leftovers she brings home from the restaurant at night. Sometimes she also buys them ramen noodles, though I don’t know how they cook them. The children are under-sized and malnourished.

The family cannot be “adopted” for Christmas because they have no home, and not even a car, to hold any gifts. They cannot receive any fresh fruits, veggies or meats from the food pantry because they have no place to keep them. Even if she had the money, she could not rent out an apartment because she can’t move further than walking distance from her two jobs.

The next time you think you have it hard, please remember this woman, and remember how lucky you really are. It’s the holiday season and, if you are in any position to share any of what you have with others, I strongly urge you to. This woman’s story is not as unique as we would wish it was, and her family’s struggles will continue long after we put away our Christmas trees for the year.

The beginning of the longest day ever...

When I got to work this morning at 8 a.m. (the time we officially open) I had no fewer than 6 voice mails waiting for me. Sometimes my boss likes to come in at 6 and start leaving me messages. You think I'm joking. And, yes, she really does start every single message like this. Here are a few:

"Hey Sarah, it's (my boss). Hey Sarah, I'm noticing the sign isn't in from outside yet and now the snow is here. I thought I asked you to bring it in. Now it's going to be a pain for you, I guess, huh?"

"Hey, Sarah, it's (my boss). Hey Sarah, I'm looking at this report and it says the hay bales were delivered last weekend. Will you go out and check and make sure they actually got delivered?" (Me: looking at them out the window as I listen to the message.)

"Hey, Sarah, it's (my boss). Hey Sarah, I put a letter in your box, will you please proofread it?" The unspoken part of the message: "So we can officially ignore all your grammar, punctuation and organization suggestions."

This is the best:

"Hey, Sarah, it's (my boss). Hey Sarah, I'm looking at and there is a bunch of information added to the bottom that doesn't really make sense to me. Why did you put it here? I just don't get it. And it doesn't look like it's updated, either."

My verbal response:

"Hi. Yeah...I put that stuff there because you asked me to last year. And no, it isn't updated because I only print that report once a year. I don't print a new one every month because then I would have to go in and write in all the information for the previous months again. The updates won't show up until next year when I print the new one."

My physical response: Poking my eyes out with pencils.

Remind me why I was so sad to leave again?

I'm a punk, baby