Friday, May 26, 2006

Identity crisis

I have secided to expirament with new names for my blog because I am in a bit of a state of transition and my old title no longer seemed appropriate. I figure I'll just keep trying new ones until I find one I like. In the meantime, here are some of my recent changes:

1. I had a baby. Yeah, I know...all the trite drivel about never being the same again. And in some ways it's true but in some ways it isn't. I feel like I've been waiting all my life to have Sam and so now that he's here it's not so much that I am changing but that I'm finally me. Oh...and he smiles now. That makes it all worth while.

2. I moved. Owen and I are now living with his mom and dad in the creamery (a.k.a. guest house) until our new apartment is ready in the fall. It's a little cozy (a.k.a snug) but we're doing okay. Ask me again in a month and I may have different feelings.

3. I am about to begin my student teaching. This is still a little on the DL at work, since I am still out on my maternity leave. But beginning this fall I will be spending my days in Miss Penberthy's 3rd grade class. I can't wait! This is another apect of me finally becoming me.

4. I go to church again (usually). I'm not all God-crazy like some people, but we go when we're home. I wrestled with my feelings about church for a long time. Eventually I came to the conclusion that Sam is truly a miracle...and is the closes thing I've ever seen to proof of God. I figure that he deserves a chance to grow up with the kind of faith that his grandmas have and that I wish I had too. He's going to be baptized on August 6th. You're all invited!

Thursday, May 25, 2006

The ugly truth about voting...

For the past two seasons, I have watched American Idol. It's my guilty pleasure (and one I'm much more willing to admit to than my affinity for America's Next Top Model). Last night, the finale aired and this year's winner was announced. At the beginning of the show, Ryan Secrest, the show's host, announces that something like 60 million votes were cast (I can't remember the actual number) and that it was more votes than have ever been cast in any presidential election. Disgusting, huh?

Similarly, I was listening to NPR the other day and heard about a man from Arizona who is circulating a petition to merge the lottery with elections. How? Apparently, one million dollars would be taken from the state's unclaimed prizes fund every two years and awarded at random to somebody who comes to vote on election. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about people who don't know or care anything about politics coming to vote just so they can win a prize... scary!

This guy also mentioned that voting is a requirement in Australia and that they have a 95% participation rate in their elections. How do they manage? Anybody who doesn't vote is fined $20.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Thought for the day: out, out damn spot

It's a funny thing, guilt. I suppose we all feel it at some point in our lives. Surely each of us has done something that we later regretted. Sometimes it isn't something we've done, though. Sometimes it's something we haven't done.

It's interesting how different people handle guilt differently. Some people do whatever they can to try and make things right. Others sit back on the sidelines and ridicule that which has made them feel guilty. I suppose on some level these people think that belittling that which has created the guilty feelings in them will decrease its importance, therefore eradicating the guilt. These people are never successful at fooling themselves. The guilt creeps into their lives as excuses and paranoia.

The thing about excuses, though, is that there is always going to be somebody who has a better one than you who still came through. Somebody who is more sick or more broke or more whatever will still manage to get things done because they knew it was the right thing to do and they pushed through their excuses to make it happen.

Excuses cover over guilt, causing it to grow and fester like an infection. Eventually what seeps forth, like puss, is paranoia. People with hidden guilt see accusations wherever they look, whether they are there or not, much like Lady MacBeth's hands. I'm sure there's no need to remind you to what end Lady MacBeth came (hint: the guilt won).

The moral of the story is this: it is much more productive and healthy to deal with guilt in a positive way. Not only will you feel better, but you will maintain a sense of dignity and integrity that negativity prohibits.

Monday, May 15, 2006


Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

I can't remember when I last confessed.

I have committed the sin of impertinence to my elders. What's more, I knew what I was doing when I did it. It was not a sin committed in the heat of the moment. In fact, it was a premeditated act. I stopped to think about it because I KNEW it was wrong...and then I did it anyway.

You see, father, I have set my moral compass in accordance with the exmple set by the two people whose values I respect and tresure most: my grandparents. For the entirety of my adult life, I have tried to live my life as a tribute to them. I admit I have been mostly a failure. I recognize the fact that I can't measure up to such awesome, venerable role models. But I do like to ask myself...WWGD...What would grandma do? Grandma never would have done what I did. She was always respectful and polite...and I wasn't today. But I do think that she was a person who wasn't afraid to stand up and speak her mind when she saw injustice or wrongdoing. She never tolerated people treating each other poorly in our family and we all knew better.

But I am tired. Tired of living my life with one set of beliefs and acting with another when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Tired of watching the people I love being ridiculed and misused by other people and feeling like I couldn't say anything on their behalf.

Today I said something deliberately impertinent. And now it is out there and it cannot be unsaid. I know my place...and I know exactly how much my opinion matters. Do I know what I did was wrong? Yes, I do. Am I sorry I did it? Not yet...but I'm trying.

It is your forgiveness I ask, father. Because I must confess, I don't care if it comes from anybody else...

Friday, May 12, 2006

Sam and Daddy watch baseball...

Some updates...

About a week ago, Sam was diagnosed with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease (GERD). It's pretty much just infantile heartburn because his stomach sphincter muscles aren't fully developed yet. The pediatrician has had us reduce the amount of food he gets at each feeding from 4-6 ounces to 2 ounces. In an effort to keep him a little more full and also to make the formula heaver to help keep it down, he also has us putting cereal in the bottles. Dealing with the reflux has been very hard. He cries a lot and gets up a lot more at night than he used to. Ugh. Word is, he'll outgrow it.

Also, in case you haven't heard, Owen and I are moving. The house we have lived in as renters for 2 1/2 years is being put up for sale. We have had the option to buy it and were trying to for some time but Owen has recently been told that his company would like to transfer him to TC in a year or so and so we have decided not to buy it.

Instead, we have just been approved for our new apartment. They are still being built and so we can't move in to them until August but they're really nice and, because of a rental promotion going on right now, we were able to rent a 3-bedroom for a couple hundred dollars a month less than we pay now. Also, the new place has an indoor pool, an outdoor pool, a hot tub, a workout facility, free tanning salon and a playground! We are very excited to be the first renters in the new place too. Click here to see our new place (you will have to click on the 3 Bedroom link). Ours is the 3 bed, 2 bath apartment that is 1250 square feet (pictured at the bottom). If you click here, and then click on "amenities" you can see some sample pictures of the interior. Note: this is NOT our stuff. We don't have stuff that nice.

We're moving out of our current house by June 1st. Until we can move into our new apartment, we'll be staying with Owen's mom and dad.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Sam sets his frist record!

That's right! This weekend Sam became the youngest Jeeper on record with the Trout Lake Jeep Club. He made his Jeeping debut at just 3 1/2 weeks old! Also, he got to ride in the Jeep with Great Grandpa Bob (a.k.a. Granka-Bob), the current record holder for oldest Jeeper on record at a month shy of 90 years old!

Here is a picture of Sam as he prepares for his first Jeeping trip. Though the temperature was pretty warm, the wind was cold and so we had to bundle him up!

Also, we took the opportunity to snap a few pictures of Sam with his second cousins, Gracie and Gabbi. Gracie, sitting at the back of the line, here, belongs to my cousin, Laura. She is just over a year old. Gabbi, in the middle, belongs to my cousin, Mandy. She's 7 months old. Sam is sitting in the front. As kids, Mandy and Laura and I were inseparabvle pals. Here's hoping our children are lucky enough to be such good friends!