Monday, May 15, 2006

WWGD?

Bless me, father, for I have sinned.

I can't remember when I last confessed.

I have committed the sin of impertinence to my elders. What's more, I knew what I was doing when I did it. It was not a sin committed in the heat of the moment. In fact, it was a premeditated act. I stopped to think about it because I KNEW it was wrong...and then I did it anyway.

You see, father, I have set my moral compass in accordance with the exmple set by the two people whose values I respect and tresure most: my grandparents. For the entirety of my adult life, I have tried to live my life as a tribute to them. I admit I have been mostly a failure. I recognize the fact that I can't measure up to such awesome, venerable role models. But I do like to ask myself...WWGD...What would grandma do? Grandma never would have done what I did. She was always respectful and polite...and I wasn't today. But I do think that she was a person who wasn't afraid to stand up and speak her mind when she saw injustice or wrongdoing. She never tolerated people treating each other poorly in our family and we all knew better.

But I am tired. Tired of living my life with one set of beliefs and acting with another when it comes to certain aspects of my life. Tired of watching the people I love being ridiculed and misused by other people and feeling like I couldn't say anything on their behalf.

Today I said something deliberately impertinent. And now it is out there and it cannot be unsaid. I know my place...and I know exactly how much my opinion matters. Do I know what I did was wrong? Yes, I do. Am I sorry I did it? Not yet...but I'm trying.

It is your forgiveness I ask, father. Because I must confess, I don't care if it comes from anybody else...

1 comment:

Mom said...

I must admit that, like Jimmy Carter, I have "sinned" in my heart. I've had the same thoughts, just haven't verbalized them on paper.

Why can't we just all get along? Why must it always be a battle? Why must some people put others down?

It shouldn't be that way in a family like ours, should it?