Just in case you need to tell my story to the Grand Jury:
Fact: Owen had to stay late at work tonight for CPR and First Aid training so it was just Sam and me all evening.
Fact: Fact Owen was joking about Sam's mullet when I went to pick him up at school today.
Fact: Once you snip a little, you have to keep going or it looks funny.
Fact: Just as it is impossible to dig your way out of a hole, it is almost as impossible to cut your way out of a bad DIY haircut.
Fact: Just because you watch Bravo's Shear Genius, it doesn't mean that you are in any way entitled to wield a pair of Cutter Bees (scrapbooking scissors) against the delicate locks of your year-old son.
Fact: Owen does not yet know that I cut Sam's hair, though me may find some evidence on the ground in front of our apartment building because I wrongly assumed that if I shook out the towel off the balcony, the hair would just fly away. It didn't. It's all over our entryway.
Fact: Apparently, I cut off a sizable amount of hair.
Fact: I'm not telling Owen. I want to see if he notices and maybe assumes that Sam was abducted by alien hair stylists during the night. (After all, it could be a family thing.) Or maybe that he has been prematurely affected by male pattern baldness. After all, that DOES run in the family.