Saturday, July 23, 2005

Little known facts...

Here, for your edification and future Jeopardy success (I’ll expect a cut of the winnings, by the way) are some useful facts everybody should know about skunks. Incidentally, I discovered these tasty little morsels while reading the September 2003 issue of Audubon while waiting in the exam room for the doctor to see me. My choices were Audubon or Sports Illustrated…and this was at the OB/GYN’s office. Does that strike anybody else as fantastically odd? And yet, what seemed stranger still to me was the fact that, because I didn’t get a chance to finish reading the skunk article…um…I stole the magazine…so I could finish it at home. Don’t worry, though! I plan to return it. And besides, if I hadn’t stolen it, how could I ever share it with you, my faithful readers?

Fact #1 (and my personal favorite): “Skunks prefer not to spray. They’ll raise their bottle-brush tails straight, then stamp their forepaws. Sometimes they’ll lift into a handstand (my emphasis), just to let you understand the agility you’re messing with.” (I love it…I can just imagine them in little pink leotards with tiny little matching leg-warmers, practicing their handstands on a little bitty balance beam!)

Fact #2: “When skunks spray, they utilize a pair of small nipples near the anus to shoot a fine mist of atomized liquid over their attacker. Skunks can spray eight to a dozen feet with discouraging accuracy (internal soundtrack: the theme song from “The Good, The Bad and The Ugly”). A healthy skunk can squeeze off five or six shots in succession, though it might then take days to stew up enough potion to fully reload.” (“I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. So, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?”)


Subcomandante Bob said...

I once ate a skunk for breakfast.

Caught him in a park garbage can, and waited for him to stink himself out after I put a lid on him.

Skinned 'im, gutted 'im, cut 'im into strips, breaded 'im, fried 'im, and ate 'im.

Funny thing, though - he did not taste like chicken.

In fact, he tasted like a fried skunk.

OK, I made this up. Sue me if you must.

Christopher Trottier said...

Nipples near the anus? Ugh!