Friday, February 03, 2006

"Look Honey! Magic beans!"

This year, among the other goodies in my stocking, I was lucky enough to receive a Magic Sproutz Secret Fortune in my stocking. It’s a can filled with a dirt-like substance (that is sort of sparkly for some mysterious reason) that you water once a week in the hopes that a plant will sprout and reveal a secret fortune.

I decided to take mine to work and put it on my windowsill there because it gets more sunlight than any at home. I followed the instructions, watering my can about once a week. Now, according to the can, the message should appear “after about a week.” Granted, sunshine is pretty hard to come by up here this time of year, so I can’t really fault them for the fact that it took a month.

Eventually it did sprout, and yet there was no magical appearance of any secret message. “Maybe I have to wait for the leaves to come out,” I thought to myself. Nope…the leaves came out and the bean began to turn some rotty brown color.

Yesterday, I was giving it a close inspection, trying to determine whether I ought to just toss it, as the brown bean thing is pretty gross looking when lo and behold, there is my message! It is a smudgy, burnt-looking thing that says (drum roll….) “long life.”

Um…I beg your pardon? “Long life?” How is that to be in any way, shape or form construed as a “fortune” exactly? It consists of exactly one noun (life) and one modifier (long). Though it makes the cut as a “phrase” on a technicality (it would be a noun phrase), it does not even qualify as a freaking clause, for crying out loud! It’s just a noun! “Long life” what? I will have one? What about them? Do they suck because everybody dies before you? Are they awesome? What is my WHOLE message? What kernel of knowledge am I totally missing here? Oh the agony…

Damn Owen and his magic beans…


5 comments:

Amy "Do these jeasns make me look fat?" Scott said...

You're lucky - I got the one that said "Big Ass" which leaves me wondering if I should change the course of my career and head into large animal helaldry.

Sarah said...

It gets WORSE....Rachel got the same dog-gone fortune! What's that supposed to mean???

Danae said...

Mine didn't even come with a bean in it! I waited and waited and finally I pulled the thing apart, and there was nothing inside the silly little can except for vermiculite and some cotton stuff in the bottom for drainage!

inspringlee said...

hey, like ur blog so much. May i ask you where u bought the magic beans? it sounds interesting. want to buy some too. thanks a lot~

inspringlee said...

and how much is it..